The Lives of 2 beautiful souls + 1 more..*love*

I noe I haf nt been updatin for so long..Honestly it kills a part of me for nt bloggin cos bloggin is part of my life..Every time I go home, I get so exhausted to even switch on my notebook..I try to check my emails @ times(onli 2 times dis week) and I was shocked to c 19 new emails..Once I was done readin e emails, I shut down my notebook and tats it..No energy to blog..

I juz finished cryin..I dunno y I cried..Darlin is very worried as he saw me cry thru e webcam..Actually I noe y I cried..Juz tat its juz too exhaustin to tell anyone, even Darlin..

There is juz so much in my mind, ryte now..

Darlin wants to c me thru e webcam again n I am cryin again now..Oh dear..Wats wrong wit me..

I juz cant look @ myself..E person whom I am lookin @ e msn conversation box is nt some1 I am proud to be..

I am also puzzled wit myself, Darlin..I noe u neva seen me like dis b4..This is so nt me..I used to be fairly confident of myself..Now I'm juz a shadow of my former self..N tat juz doesnt feel right n nice..Wat adds to my pain is tat my lower back is hurtin me like crazy n tat my shoulders are so stiff..

:(

:'(

If u tink its weddin jitters, I assure u tat its nt juz tat..Dun get me wrong, I do wan to get married n I am excited..I juz feel tat I am still nt good enuf for Darlin..I oso feel tat ppl are expectin too much of me for my weddin..Juz now, my mum was scolded by my aunt for 'dera'-ing me by nt lettin me eat when it was my own decision nt to eat anythin..My aunt tot tat my mum insisted tat I am fat n wanted me to lose wt asap so she restricts my food intake..Tat wasnt true..Firstly, I wasnt hungry..2ndly, I haf some stomach discomforts due to eatin cream durin yesterday's night class(I am lactose intolerant, so cream doesnt sit well wit me..or rather my tummy..)..3rdly, I am tryin to be strict abt followin my rule of nt eatin after 8pm..So aunt dearest, dun scold my mummy ok..I am so tired abt e wt issue..Definitely, I noe I weigh heavier than I was when I was in my teens..Definitely, I wan to lose e extra wt..Mummy, @ times, I do get hurt by ur remarks of me goin to be a fat bride..Even then, I stuck up for u when aunt scolded u..Thus, I haf made up my mind..I need to shape and tone dis gendut body of mine n I shall nt eat fastfood/junk food for e time being(1 month perhaps?)..N definitely, no gassy drinks for me..Less carbo(less rice)..More exercise(whers tat Twist & Shape machine?)..No more gendut me..I haf set some goals such as to lose how much wt per week(& month) so mummy n aunt(ies), pls stop naggin abt my wt..Azrin, stick to ur goals, k..No more procrastinating..

Work haf been a pain lately..P has been correctin my lesson plans to e pt when I juz get pissed off..I noe I can write a good lesson plan..Ever since e audit has been set for end of this month, she has gone insane..She corrected everyone's lesson plans and truly asked e stupidest qns n made e stupidest comments..I do wonder where she get her Degree from..

Studies haf also been a pain..I had 4 classes this week..Usually its onli 2 per week(Tues & Fri,6.30-10pm)..I had to go to skool on Wed for a consultation & todae, I had to go to e Bird Park!! I dun mind havin to go to e Bird Park fieldtrip(I love nature, animals & birds) bt I was so exhausted..Had to wake up earlier than 6 for 6 days straight..E Bird Park fieldtrip was from 9-4 plus juz now..Now I am fightin to keep myself awake to blog..I haf an asgmt due next Friday n I haf nt done a single thin..I haf a research paper due in a month's time n I oso haf nt done a single thin..Now I am havin a new module n e presentation abt e fieldtrip is due soon n I am nt prepared for it too..In deep trouble.. :(

Ok back to weddin preps n watnots..After my fieldtrip, my dad n uncle picked me up and we met e rest(mum & aunties) @ Chinatown..Got RIA thingy..My mum's virgin trip of goin to radio roadshows..hahaha!! Daddy bot me a gorgeous new silky blouse there..Muackz! Tanks, abah! We headed to Masjid Sultan for prayers and headed to Geylang to look for berkats..Actually my mum & aunt alredy recce-ed..Dey juz wanted to show me n ask abt my opinions..I dun fancy e porcelain bag, mummy, cos its juz gonna be for display n I had to remind u again tat we agreed not to choose berkats tat are juz gonna be for displays..We saw other potential berkats n oso weddin cards..All e time, my aunts n mum were gossipin abt some1's weddin n my aunts kept sayin tat dey dun wan my weddin to be similar like tat person's..1 of my aunt even said she wan mine(food, berkat, deco..Everythin la!) to be better! Ish ish ish..I hate comparisons n PLEASE dun use my weddin to show off..I noe tat person's family is rather arrogant bt so wat..Tat weddin was over..Its mine soon..Lets juz make it simple and sweet,ya..Pls do not stain it wit unnecessary comparisons on tryin to outdo e previous weddin.. :(

Hmmm..I juz realised tat my lil sis tagged me..Y onli me ar??

So here goes..Hopefully, doin dis tag cools me down..I am very emotional now..Sigh..

40 Random Things About Me..

o1.I am e eldest in my family..Huge responsibility..Always haf to be a good role model, u noe!
o2.I am engaged to my Darlin.. :)
o3.I'm goin to get married dis year wit my one true love..2007 makes 10 years of relationship for us..Nt to be arrogant or wat bt I am so blardy proud of how our relationship haf lasted so long n shall do so till e end of time..InsyaAllah..
04.My Darlin was n still am my FIRST love.. :)
o5.I haf only 3 best frenz..My Darlin + my 2 sistaz..
o6.When I set my mind in doin somethin, I go all e way..Wt loss here I come!!
o7.I am short..Seriously..I am onli..1.49cm ermm short..Heh..
o8.I was told tat I behaved like a B**** when I was in my teens..Seriously ar? I didnt even realise it..hahaha!!
o9.Its been known tat I haf a hot temper bt I've managed to control my temper..I tink Darlin has tamed e unruly me..hahaha!!
1o.I used to hate my lil sis so much when she was young cos she was such a reporter!!!! Everythin I did wrong n behind my parents' backs, she would immediately call my mum @ work n report..Now I love her to bits..Reli! Remember how much I cried when she went to London? :P
11.I love to doll myself..esp for Darlin..
12.I can run fast n far..
13.I can play a mean game of Puzzle Bubble.. :P
14.I haf a gameboy advance n my fav game is Harvest Moon..
15.I cant or rather nt interested play RPG games @ Xbox or PSP..
16.I suck @ bowlin..
17.My CCA in primary skool was brownies n I was a gnome(I wished I was a pixie or fairy cos gnome looks like an ugly dwarf!!)
18.I can splurge like there's no tomolow n I love to buy things for those I love..Lucky u ppl!!
19.I can get xtremely moody @ times, esp durin my periods..
20.Wheneva I am wit Darlin, I'm @ my most cheekiest.. :D
21.I HATE veggies!!!
22.I am e fairest of my sistaz..I am White Choc..Azira is Mocha Choc n Aziqa is Dark Choc..Hehehe!!
23.I have Sony Ericsson K800i hp n I absolutely LOVE it!!!
24.I used to go ga-ga over Orlando Bloom..Used to, Darlin! :P
25.I love to day dream..
26.I cant be bothered wit ppl who call themselves my frenz bt hardly communicate wit me..Bt once they do, they insist on knowin a lot of wat has been happenin wit me n I get so pissed off..After a long period of ignorin me, suddenly start chattin/smsin/callin me..Chet!!
27.I hate comparisons..
28.I'm my worst critic..
29.If I dun like u, u will noe it as I pay minimal attention to u..I am nt a two-faced person..
30.I hate it wheneva ppl demand a lot from me yet when I asked them back e same qns dey asked me, dey ignored e qns or answered so simply or chose nt to ans @ all..Bleh!!
31.I forgive bt neva forget..
32.I dislike certain ppl n wan nothin to do wit them bt I cant erase them completely cos we're connected thru frenz..Double bleh!!
33.I haf been warned by Darlin to watch wat I type in my entries for this blog as he's concerned if some ppl might terasa..My ans? Saper suruh terasa??!! As if I am bloggin abt them..Chet!!
34.When I am in my rage, hardly anythin is safe..Ribut taufan pun kalah!!
35.I love it when Darlin stares @ me..Ingatkan masa sec skool when we were juz startin out..Asyik stare2 abis senyum mentel..hehehe!! :)
36.I love my lil sis's massages..
37.I am scared wheneva my sis drives..She's so reckless!!
38.My fav car is Nissan Murano!!
39.I wish I get married to Darlin asap..Nt cos I am so gatal,k? Onli those who are truly in love, would understand..
40.I am so relieved this tag is finally over..hahaha!!

Ok da..Penat..dan ngantuk..

Till my next entry..Which I predict wun be anytime soon cos I haf lots to do.. :(